Posts tagged prose

Silence has fallen
but we have been tricked before
Don’t let your guard down

reneehendricks:

It can never be, they say

When you tell them you do not pray

How do you live, they inquire

When a god-free life is what you admire

But the design and intelligence, they shout

When you state creationism carries no clout

There was no Adam and Steve, they cry

When tolerance for all is what you stand by

May you burn in hell, they spew

When all you have done is shared your view

The cold, crisp air bites
inviting all to bundle
like fat sausages 

As a precursor to (hopefully) getting into more complex forms of creative and fictional writing, I thought I’d start by writing something of a non-fictional nature about myself. I realize I’ve tended toward the overtly poking of one stalking and harassing bear and this may have pigeon-holed me. There’s nothing worse than pigeon-holing so let’s hope this clears up the air.

I was born on October 24, 1966 in Bellevue, Washington. My name was actually supposed to be Shaun (correct me if I’m wrong, Mom) Renee. My biological father, for reasons completely unknown to me (though I suspect he wasn’t the brightest bulb in the box), decided to copy my mother’s first name instead. So, I was presented to the world as Susanne Renee Alberts. I was born with a cleft lip and (not discovered until much later) tachycardia.

My mother loved me so very much. How do I know this? Her husband left her in a tiny trailer. She collected bottles and such from the road to turn in for the change. She used this change to buy baby food for me and ketchup for herself. She’d make “tomato soup” from the ketchup. She is a very proud woman and did what she could to make sure her baby was taken care of. My grandparents found her and took us both home. My grandparents were truly beautiful and proud people as well. I miss them both terribly.

My beautiful and wonderful mother met my adoptive father, fell in love, and was married. He adopted me once they were married and I believe it was in this time frame my cleft lip was corrected (again, my mother can correct me). I think, for a time, she was happy with him. I’ll never know why exactly and, in deference to my sweet mother, I’ll not go much further into the sort of person I found him to be. Needless to say, when I was 16, my mother divorced my adoptive father and lived a short bit of life with a Norwegian wonder.

I graduated high school and decided to join the Navy (despite my tachycardia - it’s was not very detectable unless I was having an attack). I’m not exactly sure why the Navy appealed to me at the time but who can figure the mind of a teen/new adult? My life turned very much for the worse - even before I managed to get to basic training. To make a long story short, I was raped the night before going to basic training in Orlando, FL. After a few weeks, it was found that I was pregnant and sent home on a medical discharge.

This is the point in my life where I questioned what I had grown up with - God and Jesus. It was the starting point, anyway. In the middle of the night while home at my mother’s, I had the most horrific pain. I can’t even describe it accurately now. I woke my mother and went to the hospital. Spontaneous abortion. What an odd word for something like that. It almost makes it sound as though an impromptu party was held. Little did I know it was the harbinger of more pain to come.

Spinning my wheels - I think that’s what I did for a bit. Then I decided to pick up pieces of my life and start again. I joined the Army. Germany bound for three years, I spent quite a bit of time partying, coming home only to attend to my mother and step-father as he died of squamous cell carcinoma. These were selfish years I had. I reveled in German culture, German people, and my freedom to do as I pleased.

After my miscarriage so many years prior, I found I was unable to stay pregnant past the first trimester. Until the age of 28, I suffered more than a few miscarriages. It finally popped up that I had precancerous cells on my cervix. I panicked. This is when my atheism solidified. It was incomprehensible to me why I would be punished so thoroughly when I had done nothing to incur such wrath. It was at this point that I realized that I was not *thinking*…I was attempting to lay the bad things in my life in the hands of something that just didn’t exist. This is the point where I realized that *I* am responsible for my life and the things that happen during it.

Imagine my surprise when, after a bit of cryosurgery on my cervix, I found myself pregnant. I was so nervous. The first trimester passed. Then the second. At 28 I was going to actually be a mother. It was quite possibly the best moment of my life. And, up until this point, I had been able to manage and hide my tachycardia fairly well. My luck would run out during labor.

My oldest, Jessica, was born by c-section. The combination of my tachycardia and the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck made this possible. Soon after, I had my tachycardia attended to - RF (radio frequency) ablation. No more racing heart rate. However, a tiny part of my heart was damaged. Enough so to necessitate having a pacemaker after a few years.

I met a man named George and we were married. We had two children together and were mildly happy for nearly ten years. I met another man who clicked so thoroughly, knew me to my very core, and made me smile so brilliantly. I didn’t ask for it to happen…it just did. It’s this man I’m with to this day. All my love for eternity to my sweet James.

Over the whole of my life I have been (career-wise):

• A 30B - ATE, Automatic Test Equipment Operator/Maintainer (Army, 3 years)
• Web Developer/Web Host - since the birth of my oldest until now
• A writer - something I’ve recently (the past 2 years) developed a passion for and hope to develop even further

My life is pretty much an open book. You are more than welcome to ask me about *any* part of my life (including the parts I haven’t touched on, swinging lifestyle and bisexuality). I hope I have given you more incite and the niggling wish to ask for more.

I love listening to the sound of your breath as you softly sleep.
I adore the look of complete calm and peace on your face.
I wonder if you dream of me as often as I dream of you.
I hope to always look upon your face every morning until the day we expire.

Crocodile tears flow
to a pile of vicious lies
and no one is moved

That single moment
when you looked in my eyes
That split second
when it seemed the world stood still
It was that very tiny bit of time
when I knew I was forever yours 

Goodbye to you, mo(u)rning dew
You have been replaced, usurped
by the voice of sanity and joy
The sun has moved you, mocked you
and burned away the nocturnal and dark
Rejoice! Dance! Revel!
See the bright light of sweet truth
and live 

Do you really know
how to tell the difference?
I do. How ‘bout you?

“Drip, drip”…and “drop, drop”
In sweet synchronicity
with “ribbit” and “croak” 

reneehendricks:

Is your tinfoil hat
on a bit too tight these days?
Where are the white coats? 

Appropriate for the day :D

Help those starving ones
by donating time, money
Yet you do nothing

(feelin’ kinda brassy today - ignore some of these poems…poking at someone)

And while obsessing
over the lives of others
her life passed her by

Up in the wee hours of the morning,
preparing well over a day in advance,
my guy quickly accomplished cleaning
all rooms in the house within a glance.

To ensure a sweet and blissful birthday
he did these things due to love eternal
and from the bottom of my heart I say
thank you for a day sure to be most vernal

Is your tinfoil hat
on a bit too tight these days?
Where are the white coats?